Chloe O'

8 May

“Even in the context of suffering …not belonging in our families is stil one of the most dangerous hurts. That’s because it has the power to break our heart, our spirit, and our sense of self-worth.”
-Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness

8 May

lioninsunheart:

Believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable, and imperfect. When we don’t have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for worthiness we already possess.~

~ Brene Brown

HI 2020

What a crazy year, not just for me, but the whole world is in this shithole together. GLOBAL PANDEMIC, dude. It’s been weird, I didn’t really know what to expect (obviously). But I say it is weird because I enjoy having to stay at home, and it makes me feel good the whole world is forced to slow down. I intended to do this myself, but now the world around me “had to” do it too! And so all of a sudden it’s not odd to move slow anymore. If I could I want even more time, no pressure, to take my time on this journey of rediscovering myself. To find my voice, the disconnected self buried somewhere inside. I don’t understand how some people are so put together all the time, always manage to keep themselves going regardless. But I know I am not. And I need time now, more than ever, to engage deeply with myself. Choosing to be vulnerable, sitting with my fear, facing my discomforts. This is probably also a privilege, having the option to do this. Yes, it is a decision that one has to make. Nevertheless, there are also people whom their livelihood are on the line right now. Those are things not within my control and the more i think about it the more helpless i’d feel. So, I choose not to go there for now. And that’s okay, Chloe.

That’s okay.

One step at a time.

14 Mar

Intentions

Perseverance

Patience (probably the most challenging one of all)

Courage

Light

Kindness

Compassion

14 Mar

12 Feb 2019

On a Sunday morning, I was just processing after reading bible. (Acts)

“He has faith to be healed”

And so I am reflecting on my health condition, weight gain, missing period (which I got back last Jan, 2019) and i’d be lying if i am not a tad worried that it might go missing again.. I just don’t know what to expect. I wanna be hopeful but also i’m afraid to be let down..

Then it hit me: Do i have faith to be healed?

the answer is pretty obvious. I don’t have the gut to say Yes, for sure I believe that God will heal me. And i asked myself why? not that i don’t believe in god, then why?

when i really dig deep and ask myself why, i realized it is because i feel i doubt that i deserve the miracle. why would god heal me? who am i? why choose to heal me and not another person? i am not any special..

Because He loves me.

Simple as that. And He needs no reason to heal me and give me an abundant life, provide me what I need etc..I just have to start believing. Because he loves me. so trust Him, that he’s watching over me. Allow myself to indulge in His love, that he’d pampered me, shower me with heavenly blessings. Give thanks to this body that has done so many great and wonderful things, move in a way that has touched people’s heart.. and i gotta stop saying mean and destructive comments to myself/body..

Let go and let God.. The act of letting go, I still have so much to learn.. I also realized that learning to accept your body, rebuilding healthy self/body image, takes time. There’ll be sunny and rainy day, same applies to this journey. So what matters is to stand up again when you fall.